When Shaheer and I decided to get married etc etc. there was this aura of exhiliration and freedom surrounding (me), and a mahusive list of things I wanted to do and achieve and accomplish and share with this person who was going to be my bestest friend for the rest of my life. I sat for hours upon hours compiling these aspirations into a ‘Bucket List Book’, essentially resembling a scrapbook of somesort lol; pictures for each alongside a ‘date of accomplishment’ section where we could proudly sign off on our completion, sleeves for inserting tickets and boarding passes, quotes and such about the power of companianship and travel etc.; I’m sure you can envision what I’m on about!
It was, and still is, quite neat looking through it and reflecting upon how silly and perhaps naiive some of the things were/are, and at the ones we have actually been able to tick off; e.g. booking a flight to depart the same day, going to the Olympics and I guess time will tell what else we might be able to eventually check off.
I’ve been stressing about birthdays that are creeping up, Shaheers is in a couple weeks and mine next month. I’m finding it hard to fathom that I’ll be 25 and not sure what that’s supposed to mean. At times I’m quite chuffed with meself about what I’ve done so far, and the rest of my time is spent mulling over what I haven’t ‘checked off’ yet, in terms of personal accomplishments, things for myself. Marriage, or any relationship really, is a wonderful feeling and at times a security, knowing you’ll have someone by your side to talk to or share moments with, and it eventually becomes a source of comfort for your soul. I’ve always loved that, and found my happiness within my source, and I guess a ‘shared’ happiness if you will, but I’m approaching the realization (which might be common sense to some) that really and truly this whole concept of ‘happiness from within’ actually holds some substance to it. Not in a depressed, I’ve fallen in a lull, type way, bas ya’anee you’re in control of your life and your happiness and have an obligation to yourself to do what makes you, your heart, and your soul as happy and content as can be.
Going off on a tangent here but promise the two will (eventually) connect! I have a younger sister whose personality is larger than life, and at times a bit much for me and she is quite consciously aware of this fact. She’s the type of person who, when complimented, will most likely respond with ‘yea, I know. It’s because I’m just amazing’. yes, one of those. lol as annoying as she can be at times, I’ve always admired her confidence, both outwards and self, and her ability to do things on her own for a sense of self-fulfillment if you will. She’s constantly travelling alone and doing all these cool things to which I’m in awe at the fact that she’s doing it by herself. I’m not good at being alone or doing much by myself (heck I feel awkward going down the shops to pick up a bottle of water or even waiting for the bus without my phone in my hand to keep me company), but we’re working on that! anyways, so my sister is currently working in Japan for the year, again, you go girl! and she’s recently started blogging. Being the eldest, ofcourse half my life was spent editing and critiquing her essays at uni and having a go at how she’d be nothing with out me and my brain lawll so I was secretly excited to see what she had written and give it the blatant older sister disrespect she didn’t deserve! I read her first post with a smirk on my face and thought raaa (lawl hi Luton.) she’s actually not too bad. Didn’t think she’d be up for a second but lo and behold, a second was published. This time on bucket lists (*theres the connection!); just a cute little post on why she keeps one and the whole fulfillment aspect of it, and it had me reflecting back to the book I had made for Shaheer and I, for ‘us’, and this notion of perhaps creating an individual bucket list, one I could call my own and be proud of achieving by myself.
I don’t think I’m totally up for sharing that list on here, but the cheeky butterflies in my heart that flutter each time I think of something to add reassures me that it’s okay to ‘do me’ and allow my happiness to exist outside of my source.
Since a fair bit of this post has been dedicated to my ickle sister who is probably feeling quite goood about herself right now, why not share and end with an excerpt from the legend herself. x
“The first step is making the intention, writing down what you want. When you make an intention to accomplish something it has a way of coming true. Nothing in life is too far of a reach it all just comes down to how bad you want it. Sacrifices may have to be made, people left behind along the way but that’s all part of the journey. No matter how big or small your goals they can be achieved.
If you don’t have a bucket list start one. It’s as simple as writing down something you’ve always wanted to try, a place you’ve always wanted to visit, a food you’ve always wanted to taste. When there’s a tangible reference things become less unrealistic. Life is what you make of it so don’t let it become mundane. Stay curious, stay adventurous. keep searching keep dreaming.”