confusedsoulfood.

so recently I’ve been thrown a pretty shit life card, and with tonight being New Years Eve I’ve allowed myself one more day of moping and dwelling on a pretty sucky situation! not sure if that’ll actually last, but I’m trying my best lol

I’ve had a lot of time to think about life and love and happiness and my ickle part in this big beautiful world and I’ve come to somewhat of a conclusion that I just want to be a good freaking person with a clear conscious, clean heart and soul who smiles at people and gives people the benefit of the doubt, and loves profusely regardless of whether its reciprocated or not and puts love into everything I do because that’s what I want to be remembered as. It costs nothing to be a nice person, to show you care, to tell someone they look nice or smell nice, or that you like their eyebrows lol all you do is end up making someone feel happy and/or smile, and what’s the harm in that?!

I was kinda sorta terrified coming home because I didn’t want to deal with ignorant people looking at me funny or saying mean things about the whole Muslim issue etc etc. and fair enough we’ve already experienced a silly old lady whilst driving, but the other day I had to ask someone to move their car so we could reverse and there was a bit of hesitancy in my heart but he was the nicest person ever and apologized and I felt guilty for assuming the worst of him and the situation. I know I’ve been consciously making it a point to give people the benefit of the doubt regardless if I’m receiving the short end of the stick because a) I’m really trying to be ‘that’ person who tries not to be judgmental cow and b) you really lose nothing from assuming the best in people and situations and sometimes yes, you get screwed over and people might take advantage of that, but I guess it’s up to you to determine what you’re going to value and hold importance to based on who you’re trying to be as a person and what you want out of your life.

I remember reading something along the lines of ‘how you treat someone is a reflection of how you truly feel about yourself’, and it’s something I want to positively implement into my life and interactions with the world and all its people this coming year.feel like if I go on to say all I want to do is spread cheer and joy to the world, I’m essentially synonymous to Santa Claus lol so I won’t, but that’s a tad bit how I feel lol x I want to consistently continue putting love into everything I do even if its grilling chicken for dinner lol (it really does make a difference!) and fall in love with peoples souls and all the goodness that they have to offer the world. I don’t want to expect anything from anyone, be it friendship, texts, hugs etc. because I think I only end up disappointing myself and thats never a warm fuzzy feeling; if it all comes willingly and genuinely I have no complaints lol but depending on meself for that and so much more creates this ‘responsibility to the self’ which I think everyone owes to their soul. I want to continue making a conscious effort to pray and always be in this state of thanks and ‘alhamdulillah’ for life and breathing and all the good that’s in my life alongside the badness because that’s just the universal balance of life!

I realize that this has turned into somewhat of a ‘new year, new me’ type post lol but I think I just wanted to put myself back on track and remind my heart and soul about the person I’ve always tried to and wanted to aspire to be in life.

I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe New Years tonight! Dress warm so you don’t get sick (you shamalam x) and try to smile and compliment at least one person you come across tonight lol if you feel warm and fuzzy inside and a smile upon your face, then you’ve done good love x See you in the New Year inshallah! xoxo

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